initially was 50% of my virgin hair gone,
for now,
100% of my virgin hair gone liao. lol.
my hair stinks with the chemical smell.

lala~


it remains jus as good for 3days.
but still,
it rolls down without much control.
i already had much control of it,
wad do u want me to do?
how long is 39days more?
i'll seek back into my way of coping if i had no other choices.
jus dun push me any further.
jus wanna be back being how ppl used to say abt me; heck-care-type.
it used to be wad ppl said, even tchers.

u kept saying pessimistic again and again.
whatever? i'm jus not gonna care?
who do u think i should thank for being in this way now?
u cant possibly change one's thinking or other stuffs right?
no eyes to see?
then jus get away.
i need no pretenders to be around.
sorry,
i'd rather be into an atheist than believing in those unproved great.
wad are the words trust and believe for?
mockery.


想通,
却又再考倒我.
拜托,
请别再折磨我.
我懂你曾没不舍得.


with kenneth.




had a hell night ytdy.
fought through such a hard war to get myself to sleep.
lie on bed at 1plus,
slept at 3plus,
woke up at 6plus.
sheesh..

found out that i could take bus 109 there the nex time.
more convenient than bus 88.
i was kinda late,
it took me quite long to find that block 3 to cgc- child guidance clinic. (dun laugh!it was meant for under 19.)
and i tell u,
i'm case 1,
cases 2-4, they're all kids younger than 5 years old. -.-
right.
my consultation doctor and psychologist are all males.
-.-i cant imagine after few qns he had to offer me tissue papers already.
and damn,
the qns are straighforward, and so much sensitive enough la.
the doctor thought of prescribing medicine,
after that he said better not,
afraid that the side effects may worsen suicidal thoughts. lol.
so,
i'll have to go for further therapy and skill learning.
total charges for the day $98.13,
after subsidy, $35.
nex appointment is nex year. lol.
8 jan 09.

i was asked to think of wad i could do to add meaning to my life?
he gave me a month plus to think of wad i wanna do for coming year.
i gave many many answers like- don't know?/no idea?/not sure?/like?/as in?/ya?
i dun want family counsel, i dun need my family to be there.

spent half of my day at hougang roaming around.


appointment changed,
the person called.
changed to tmrw morning 9.40am.
could only take bus 88 from nearby.
it's at buangkok. lol.
i should try to wake up by 8.30am?
think it's kinda early.
i woke up at almost 2pm today.
dunno why i could sleep so much nowadays?

got my straight cut jeans tapered and altered. lol.
gotta wear jeans for 4days,
i've got enough pairs. lol.

mum said;
u've seemed to be away from the reality, living in ur own world.
since when have u been so pessimistic?

i know,
this is jus part of social impairment.
i jus cant help.


feel that every morning when i woke up,
i got the reluctant feeling to wake up.
i'll jus keep checking at the time,
then asked myself to fall asleep again.
7.23am, 8.40am, 10.54am, 12.35pm. and so on. blablabla.
then woken up by the bloody grass-cutters and i couldnt get back to sleep.

i'll only get out of bed in the noon.
the reason why i dragged for so long?
cos i have no idea wad i should do after i got up.

this afternoon, took my time slowly after i woke up.
waited hell long at the polyclinic.
after consultation, waited for referral letter.
you know wad?i requested for cgh right, dunno wtf that bloody hospital is doing?
there stated my appointment to be on 2nd march 2009?
i got words in mind telling these,
'wad a bloody fucking hospital?want me to wait for another 4months?hell long and hell no!'
i got no choice but to request a change to imh.-.-
i kept saying that imh got low eficiency cos they nv reply,
yet, i was told they got 24hrs service.
and ok,
my appointment there will be on 15 dec 08 (mon) at 11am.
i should go and figure out the directions there.
was asked to bring report book, health booklet, birth cert and referral letter.
some are kinda irrelevant?

-.-i cant read wad the doctor wrote?
only able to read few words here and there.
the last sentence is - not keen to elaborate. lol.
around 21more days i'll check out if i see any looneys. haha.

after which, wanted to take a bus ride,
in the end alighted at t3.
roamed around eventually, cos i really have nth to do.
went back, had my dinner as 1st meal.

how bored can life be?
u tell me?


skip reading this post if u wanna console me/think/ ask stuffs.

festive seasons are coming.
festive seasons are sure gonna be hurting too.
there are too many reasons to explain.
upon thinking,
jus abt 2months to january.
call this fast or slow?
i dunno.
i jus knew that the coming few months are jus gonna be cruel to me as well,
all the cruelty jus couldnt stop siding u against me.
how great?
found that trying to fake a smile is the hardest thing to do,
the same goes to trying to stop those tears flowing out from my eyes.
it has jus been a daily routine.
i think i could nv get myself out of these shit.
words of consolation wouldnt be a point of helping.
since when have i been sensitive to numbers?
perhaps its too long ago.
hate the feeling getting sensitive over that numbers.
hate the feeling getting reminded of when passing certain places.
it's already 22 nov 2008.
i'm not sensitive to this day.
two years back i havent even know u officially,
one year back we were sticking together almost everyday.
how time changes?
how cruel one can be?
how senseless one can be?
roaming alone along the streets,
reminding me of many shits.
i've got nth to believe in,
no rope to cling on,
cant even hang on there any longer.

damn that imh,
i would have to get referral from cgh.





miss rain, make it an exception for tmrw dun make the clouds fall can?
i need the scorching sun tmrw please?

addictions?
it seems like every single one has addictions.
going online for some ppl is also an addiction?
taking caffeine for some ppl is also an addiction?
being dependant is also an addiction?
is eating an addiction?
is sleeping an addiction?
is studying an addiction?
jus being random.

i'm waiting for email reply.
melancholic+atypical depression = psychotherapy+medication treatment
loss of pleasure in most activities.
a failure of reactivity to be pleasurable.
a quality of depressed mood more pronounced than that of grief or loss.
a worsening of symptoms in the morning hours, early morning waking.
social impairment.

not many people are able to do this without breaking down and crawling right back.
you can’t hate something you don’t care about.


it is breaking me down,
watching the world spin round,
while i'm here falling apart,
is there anybody out there?

it seemed you've been my life,
and i never planned,
going elsewhere without you.
shadows bleeding through the light,
where the love once shine so bright.
you came to me without a reason,
and left me with many excuses.
why haven't i always loved you?
bruised and battered by your words,
dazed and shattered now it hurts .


cass demanded this! LOL!
i think we're all super bored to do these. hehe.
anw, it's obvious that cass tagged me la. lol.

Rule #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

Rule #2 Tag 5 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged and continue this game by sending it to other people.

1. Do you have secret?
hmm. u say leh? have then have lor.
aiya. who dun have?

2. Would you fall in love with someone younger than you?
no. nv will?
i nv had much things in common with ppl younger than me, or rather i wouldnt have the thought to know someone younger?

3. What number do you like?
HAHA! numero six.


4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
i'll spend them all before i die! LOL! few days back i still told my mum that i'll left with no money after i die.
hmm. dun mind giving part of it to the poor?
i think there's still a lot left?
hehehe. rich man mansion, buy over top 10 world beauties. LOL! sound so real eh?

5. If you have a wish, what will you wish for ?
wish that, my life will go the way how i plan it to be. LOL!
sound so real again?

6.Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
have u ever heard that being loved is miserable or jus loving someone is miserable?
own thinking. lol. i think both at same time would be better?

7. If you could choose, how would you want to leave the world?
hmm. i wanna die peacefully, it would be perfect if i could sleep till die! LOL!
sounds funny? eh, it's peaceful enough hor!


8.If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
-.-i wouldnt even fall for someone who's attached?

9. Is there anything that can make you happy?
hmm. things that would really make me happy dun sound easy?
so, nth for now?

10.What makes you sad?
*BANG*

11. How would you see yourself in 10 years time?
if u're so superb to see ur future then why cant i go back to the past? LOL!
hmm. who knows? i might die anytime?-.-

12.What is being regarded as the most important thing in your life?
hello? i already dunno wad's the meaning of life? so wad now? i refuse to answer. lol

13.Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
hmm. why not attached and rich? LOL!

14.What is your favorite color?
if ur eyes are sharp enough, look over at the right>>
haha. if u have poor vision, i shall be nice to type here,
aiya! lazy type la! jus typing one; orange.

15.What would you do if you feel that someone has lied to you?
i dunno? i'll be the one feeling hurt than the one who's talking cock?

16.Do you believe that there's "True Love"?
yes yes yes! if i'm able to clone myself out, i'll be with my cloney forever!=D
-.-so real?

17.Honestly, who was the last person to tell you that they love you?
hmm....hmm...
very long ago, jus one person.
next please!

18.If you attached but you feel as if you like someone else, what would you do?
wait a min, do u think it'll ever happen to me? if yes, u better dun tell anyone u know me.
come on la! one heart, one door, one key. i know it sounds like some kinda extinction though.

19.Who can always cheer you up?
there there! can u see her? she's there! looking at u now!

20. Who is currently the most important people to you?
hello? why not ask me who's not important?
strangers out there!haha!i'll nv wanna know u!

5 people to do the survey;
`you
`you
`you
`you
`you
(if you think you are you then you do)


done. LOL!
i know the way i answer is kinda, so, _____.
bear with it, jus laugh dun comment. LOL!
bye.


i'm so damn bored!
freedom is jus same as boredom la. zzz.
feel like putting myself to sleep till like dunno when then wake up.
or should i jus go to north pole now?
join the polar bears for hibernation! LOL!
how nice if i could put myself to sleep.

i dreamt of u.
when the dream ends,
i jumped out and checked my phone for ur msg. lol.
it's funny though,
why u seem to be on my mind for like 24/7?
dream is so unlike reality.
take care.
we've been messaging for like 654days non-stop or even more.


went t3 alone today.
did the usual things.
realised that i havent been to the gym for more than a week.
it has been kinda long break to me.
shall go back again when i have time.
and much of it is that i'm infested by lazy-virus. lol.
i've been waking up only after 1 or 2 in the noon.
my eyes are still very painful,
dunno wad's wrong with them.
i was kinda shocked in the noon,
when i was at the airport,
all of a sudden i couldnt see wad's written on the signs. (meeting point, toilets, and etc.)
yes, i know those wordings are huge enough though.

tmrw is the last paper.
last paper for the week,
last paper for o level,
last paper for the year.
LOL!

goodbye soon?
temp one maybe?
i don't know.


since i'm bored,



wasted another day off.
thought of signing up for GNC membership online.
but paypal acc no money.
jus needed that $15.
but nvm,
i think i wont be buying their products THAT often. lol.
i wanna get my paypal acc being topped-up!!
i found cool stuffs at ebay! rah~
gonna get citibank credit card too.
my mum said i dun earn money but know how to spend future money-.-
jus ordered 7pairs of contact lens at nyo.
2boxes get one pair free.
damn thing! because one of my eyes having astigmatism.
with astigmatism-$95, without-$38.
-.-great difference.
initially, my mum suggested lasik, then i asked her,
u provide the money lor? LOL!
she didnt say anything much.

class chalet is way longggg- end of january.

is there any easy money that's willing to fly into my pocket? LOL!

just you.
blabla.


i'm getting excessive heatiness.
didnt i drink enough water?
i have no idea la.
i can even forget to eat for more than 24hrs u think leh?
it's no fun at all.
eyeballs are pain,
jaw is pain,
cheekbone is pain.
pains everywhere.
who can reach this high level?
my mum asked me to better control it,
if not i'll get stroke.
i laughed, she said not kidding one.-.-

and,
she allowed me to go states alone if i have the money. LOL!
obviously she wants me to work and get the money myself.
slowly wait lor.
till i can leave everything and have my independence!

awaiting for the g, the o, the n, and the e.

at least u know,
i'll always be there.
at least i know,
u'll still tear.


ton at suie's hse ytdy.
we-cass, winnie, myself- all met up cos we were rotting.
before that i headed to bugis alone,
jus walked around,
nth much better to do.
then winnie msg and said meet to go suie's hse.
i only rmb whole day kept saying sian.
today went blading.
greatest accomplishment!
i didnt fall down at all, not at all! LOL!
cos i've been falling on my butt so often till it got blueblack. haha.
hmm.
wondering wad i should do or could do tmrw.
freaking bored again.
bored=money decreases
bored=time increases
dun u think so?

i'm too lazy/not much interest in watching online shows.
that's why i kill time slower.
kind enough to time right? haha.
but cruel to myself. LOL!


well well well..
hmm..
i'm so freaking damn bored. zzz.
cos it's now like,
exams-are-over!
wait, shouldnt it be happening and happy? lol.
hmt papers today.
papers were alright actually.
but,
i got no time to fill in 10+++ over words for my compo!
damn shit! meaning confirm deduct 4 marks.
plus those words that i left blanks were from my conclusion,
worse still, they'll deduct for content.
hmm, imagine the marker figuring out wad i actually wanted to say.
cos i left half the sentence with *invisible words*.
and,
goodbye to my freaking good dictionary.
hey dict!i know u're getting old,
cos i see ur words showing are turning invisible too!-.-
right.
i could describe all these out cos i'm damn bored.

oh ya.
i was nearly late for exam.
paper started at 8 i reached at 7.55 lol.
and i got bombed by suie and winnie for both phones! LOL!
the blame goes to the bus,
not my fault,
i didnt drag time,
cos i did nth to my hair today. lol.
called mich and woke her up from her lala-land at 10plus. LOL!
to ask her go lunch.

rah~
suie busy with courses.
mich busy with storybooks and shows.
winnie busy with shopping.
angela mia!
xueling-i dunno
cass-i dunno too.
myself-so damnnnn freee/boreddd!
how nice~


went t3 with cass.
was tired.
slept at 5plus.
and,
today's not efficient.
lol. not gonna care anymore.
hmt? who cares?
the feeling is damn terrible to rust so badly for chinese. zzz.
the way my chinese characters written was so damn weird.
and, i'm having problem reading man. damn slow one.
so, tmrw papers are jus taken for fun.

found out and felt,
so much of solitary,
so much of jus one,
so much cheated,
so much neglected,
so much of emptiness.
how could all these be overwhelming?


i seriously dun feel like studying ss anymore.
no mood plus no space in mind.
damn shit man.
can u imagine the paper is tmrw and i have hardly did anything at all?
i woke up at 1plus and i really feel like going back to sleep again.
dun ask me why i'm that tired.
cant believe i'm gonna see those chinese characters again in 3days time.
it has been quite a long time since i last wrote my chinese name-.-
no, nv, no had high expectations for hmt. LOL!
i'm gonna do it for fun, eventhough it doesnt really sound that fun la.

what is it now during a year before?


damn.
bet everyone's not having the mood to even study for ss.
cos,
we've already got the exams-are-over feelings in mind. LOL!
damn shit.
found out that it wasn't that easy for me to save up till $510 from pocket money only,
and it seems leaving me as quickly as it could.
especially lesser papers are left, lesser money's left. LOL!
and, i still owe one month phone bill.
it's _____ today.
met winnie and cass at tamp.
sat at cafe cartel for 3-4hrs.
i spent bloody $20plus there. damn.
did very very little bit of ss there,
jus planning out actually.
i'm sure to jus touch the sec3 book for ss,
not touching any single shit from sec4 book.
the content seems a lot more than history.-.-

oh ya.
this year halloween at town doesn't seem that happening.
not much thing either.
jus a few crazy/fun ppl getting around with diff colours/masks on their faces.
saw a she-male,
damn funny,
she-he was trying to catch ppl's attention,
or to say, male's attention. LOL!
good body, but with not-so-good face and voice. haha.

aching faster go,
so i'll able to workout soon.

force the mind,
force the thinking,
force the feeling,
force to get a change.
how nice?

TANHUITING
Seventeen
3 February 1992.
Purple, black & white.




SRJCians
1s22!
AMANDA
CLARIS
DIONNE
EMELIA
JOEY
LI AN
STEFFI

ANGELA
BRENNA
CASSANDRA
DANIEL
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DIANA
ELIZABETH
FANGYI
FATHIMA
GWEN
HUIJEAN
HUITING(WONG)
IMMKHIM
IRIS
IVANTAN
JESSLYN
JOLENE
JOLENELEE
KENNETH
KISHEN
LOCK
MICHELLE
NURY
PATRICIA
QIUYUN
RACHEL
SIEWMIN
SIRONG
SUIE
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WANYAN
WINNIE
XINYI
XUELING
YIMIN
YANTEEN
YUANXIN
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