this is gonna be the last post of the year.
i wouldnt sound depressed. lol.
this year is kinda short,
dont u think so? haha.
or time just passed faster during sec4 life?
i think i only rmb sec3 and sec4 life.
times when i began to get better?
i hope i wont make myself regret for stuffs in this coming year?
just like u know,
i shouldnt had been distracted so so so much,
till i didnt really study much for o levels.
anw, its over. lol.
the results, be it good or bad, it's just my consequence of choices.
choices of schools?
wait till the results are out then decide?
be a good and better new life.


hmm, i dont make resolutions for every year.
i dont really like planning up this stuffs?
cos many things might happen,
everything changes just like how u change ur attires.
i'm looking forward my next appointment.
which is changed to 9 jan by the therapist.
i wonder wad wisdom of life he would add on?
or maybe i dont have to go for further sessions anymore?
wait till then and see.
i think i wouldnt be having a much laid-back life for the coming year?
when time is up, all u have to do is just not to concern abt it.
that's wad i'm doing?
hey!
i dont sound passive like before right?
i suppose it's a damn good thing. lol.


if i were being asked,
i'll say, the love is still there, as much as before, as much as i always said to you, not any lesser.
but, it's being well kept in my heart for now.
you shall be the 1st layer stacked in my heart.
have to say, it used to be the bestest one.
and i have to say,
i wouldnt know wad's up if it wasnt the old you.
thank you.
i wouldnt know wad's down if it wasnt the new you.
thank you.
if it's not you,
i wouldnt know wad's everything like.
i'm not feeling sorry anymore.
if you're happy, you're enjoying, why not?
i know i'll be able to find somebody who keeps words, talks abt sincerity and promises.
it would be better for me, i believe.


happy 2009 to all of you out there!=D

i'm early,
dont u think so?
woken up by the construction going on upstairs again.
a new year in 2 days?
kinda envy those peeps who are going back sch to start a new semester again.
got to admit that i had nv missed going back to sch like i'm now.
it's like super long nv crap with those teachers.
and yeap, like wad winnie said, (one of it)
*eating in class*
i'll always get hungry before 7.30am. (before sch starts)
the whole year with michelle being a great buddy.=D
at the science labs, lessons, and after sch.
heading to almost everywhere for food/movies.
and, angela, we both entertain ourselves a lot.
most of the times throwing lemons at each other. LOL!
had great time with the 6girls for the year.

anw for ytdy,
i was being digged out from bed by my mum again at 10plus in the morning. ( slept at 5plus)
it seems like i'm not needing that much of sleep nowadays.
which i used to sleep for almost 14hrs a day during weeks ago.
i went for tanning for around 40mins at some place, some place where ppl would think it's funny.
just sat there with the burning back.
then headed to gym.
it was the ladies gym for ytdy. (almost cant get myself in.)
saw xinyi and jolene there. LOL!
yes, i dont perspire much in gym.
after which went over to serene's hse.
cabbed to amk hub.
together with her bro and her bro's gf,
we watched bedtime stories.
it's another again for me. lol!
her bro and his gf left,
we headed back to bedok next.
went over to vanessa's hse,
watched tv.
got out to get dinner back after the 9pm show.
left at 12plus.
walked back to serene's hse and i cabbed home from there.
i think the words above are kinda detailed? lol.

meeting joanna at clarke quay tmrw.
together with a few of her sim mates.
spending the night out.

i'm kinda hungry now.

oh yeah,
forgot abt this.
for girls who're interested, go take a look.
http://ensnaemodo.livejournal.com/
i'm being nice =D hee.
the person dont wanna let ppl know her identity.

hmm, i dont use the comp that often nowadays.

the better if i dont use that much.

this morning, or should say afternoon?

went to meet michelle at t3.

she passed me wife biscuit and i passed her changeling dvd.

t3 was damn packed today.

had our so called lunch,

then walked around,

headed for mag,

then headed home.

i was damn tired.

on the aircon and got a 2hrs nap. (neglecting ppl. LOL!)

i'm getting a bit lazy. lol.

for ytdy,

met joanna at tm starbucks, the usual place for meeting. haha.

talked, laughed, crapped. lol.

and yeah, drinking on new year eve ar!=D

dont drop dead or get too high. lol.

hmm, having ppl asking me kinda funny/similar qns?

nice nice.

wanna feel it some more. LOL!

hmm, like i have to care now?

i laughed, cos i feel that's kinda childish?

fancy the age man.

i should enjoy the very last few months of being 16.

i think through some stuffs/ppl i got to know myself better?

but there's some stuffs i knew it clearly.

i'm free thinker, or should say atheist? always.

i wont be like some super crap who believes in a religion then turned out to criticize it themselves.

how contradicting can one be? or a mockery? lol.

hmm, and i think the way i answer stuffs got better?

at least i'm not like saying stuffs like i dont know? i used to say that super often. (unless i really dont know la!)

i havent been neglecting my friends, have i?

friends, tell me if u feel neglected. lol.

i can answer all sorts of qns now, yeah.

so, anything just come and ask me?

i dont mind sharing, listening, and blablabla.

cos i've been doing it recently?

i cant wait for a total change in life!

alright,

even if it's not total,

it's gonna be a damn good one compared to the times that wasted my life.

i'm lazy to post pictures now,
so this post would be just words.
just got back home.
kinda tired?
was at ps for movie with 7uth, arran, suie, 10 of us.
walked around.
later on met huiting, iris and xueling at cityhall.
we slacked at ms till midnight.
i'll just make things short.
then we went diff ways.
reached bedok at 1plus in the morning.
cabbed to serene's hse.
it was kinda happening there. lol.
with the dancing and grinding. right. lol.
played cards, alcohol, liqour, pizza.
till most ppl left then got to get a rest.
vanessa left with her sister.
then we got to sleep at around 7am.
squeezing in the bed with serene,
kept to myself. lol.
she snores (not that loud la). she hits. LOL!
woke up tons of times.
we really got up at around 2plus in the noon.
met vanessa and had lunch together with her crazy woman and serene at parkway.
chilled a little, chatted a little.
time passed,
vanessa headed home,
serene headed to clarke quay.

gotta pay for 3months bill.
that extra line. zzz.
nvm,
i'm gonna make full use of it.

bed and pillows,
here i am tonight for yal.

so not nice lor,
cos i'm still sick. zzz.
kept sneezing and coughing. irritating.
spoilt my day,
if not i could at least go to the gym or tanning.
i woke up kinda early this morning?(11plus, lol.)
i said it's early cos i slept at nearly 5am.
talked to serene for abt 5hrs. lol.
quite a lot of stuffs?
funny stuffs, *censored* stuffs, blablabla. lol.
she reminds me of so many damn things man!
anw, they are all memories la, but it really seems so similar.
for today,
after waking up i got nth to so, left with watching the tv.
woke mich up from her sleep at 1plus. lol.
at 3plus i was too bored, so decided to go out and roam.
wanted to go t3 but the longest time i could stay at there with myself is only 2hrs.
so i took mrt, alighted at town. (dont ask me why i decided to go there.)
just simply roaming around with the crowd.
then serene asked if i wanna acc for her 'lunch'.
she got her break from work at 5pm.
met at ps.
stared at her while she eats till she got awkward. LOL!
she went back for work,
afterwhich i went to meet my dad and bro at ws.

we havent decide the exact place yet, headache. lol.
tmrw night with many peeps+cliques.
after midnight heading to serene's hse to stay overnight,
with little ppl. lol.

just a christmas without love.
it wouldnt be special.

i'm super super sick. damn!!
causing so many inconvenience.
i got a super powerful flu bug in me now, ear blocked, nose blocked.
plus i dont know how i got high fever now.
no choice, have to eat med later.
please go away by tmrw?

yanteen and alvin got back again,
luck girl, u should be able to enjoy ur christmas.=)

angela is troubling with her work,
she wants to quit, cos she misses her darling too badly.=x LOL!

saw joanna just now.
the smack on my head was pain enough ya! LOL!
that reminds me that my calculator is still with her.

dont know why msn dont let me sign in,
nvm, i shall off the comp after i post this,
cos i'm not using the comp that frequently nowadays.

justnice, the cow asked me if i'm excited cos it'll be the 1st time talking on phone later-.-LOL!
she's the cow cos she's kinda different from other taurus. haha.
so i think cow sounds nicer than bull? lol.
her job super slack, can msg somemore.
till i'll have to sneak to toilet slack to reply her.
i'll make sure i wont doze off later, entertainment.

i need to contact mich soon, havent discuss finish yet!
everybody's on?

i'm super bored.
i'm super sick.
now with flu and fever plus the damn throat.
like dying.
not my luck.=(
sick+bored=?

i'm having throat infection.
it's painful now.=(
feel super heaty now,
as if i'm gonna have fever.

we went for 3hrs only for today.
like so, zzz.
we went tm for awhile. (it's like we're there for almost everyday?)
st john peeps went for their cohesion day.
then i went to the gym.
it was the 1st time that i could actually doze off at the gym.
too tired.
went home after 2hrs.
it was still like 2pm+ when i reached home, so damn early.
i was dying for sleep.
threw my stuffs on the floor and fell into my bed.
knocked out. lol.
woke up at 6plus.
had kinda good nap, 4hrs man.
it has been so long since i last had nap.
i think my hse is always vacant in the day,
like it's either i'm alone at home or there'll be no one else.
my brothers are always out, mostly for basketball. (-.-like they're going for olympic like that. lol)

i think i'll only have tmrw to do christmas cards?
around 15-20 cards?

cuts, faster heal.

super tired.
dont ask me why. lol.
skipped ytdy's post,
but i've only got a sentence in mind ytdy.
a clear night sky full of stars, almost wonderful night.

the days cant pass any faster isnt it? lol.
my eyes are super tired man.
wore contacts for 15hrs ytdy and for today.
i need eyedrop too. lol.

there's something just cant be fixed/ forced/ seeked after.
i wouldnt leave myself, and that's like for sure.
there's always an imperfection somewhere,
to see it clearly with your eyes,
you'll just have to have a little patience, sacrifice yourself a little,
and you'll get to see the full picture.

back aching a lot a lot man, muscles aching too. (latissimus dorsi)
nv had so many cuts before man.
pain like shit.
it slits and it tears and it bleeds. lol.
plaster being used temporary only.
my gastric pain still super bad sia.=(
kns.
when i dont eat i nv get gastric pain,
but for today,
i ate quite a lot and yet still zzz.
guessed it should be the damn milk tea.
(strong milk tea is super bad for gastric pain.)
N level results gonna be out tmrw noon.
O level results still like a month away.

pick up the pieces, do it.

well, gonna blog things out nicely.

or in some random ways. lol.

anw for today,

went dragonboating at bedok reservoir.

met up at sch area at 8am.

we cant go into sch cos the security guard said abt me and winnie's hair. lol.

plus our attires. damn. lol.

and there's like only 10 of us today.

many ppl last min ps because of work/money. yeap, nvm.

10 of us was kinda quiet though, along with mdm chiew.

she's leaving for junyuan nex year already.

mdm chiew was envious/laughed at my fairness.-.-LOL!

i know i know, my skin colour got fairer after stopping hockey.

the instructor was kinda fun man, someone who talks quite like petrina. LOL!

it's all abt stamina, endurance and team coordination.

we picked things up quite easily.

ps. winnie super weak one! LOL! as u know... haha!

anw, no harm trying la.

hehe! i know i look kinda cute here!=
u might not be able to see the water splashing into my eyes.
the same goes to others too. haha.

damn shit! cant post pic for dunno wad reasons.

posting rest of the photos in fb or something?

at noon, we went back opp sch.

had our lunch.

didnt know why we were so damn hungry.

ate a lot of food man.

chatted a little with suie and cass after winnie left.

i went over to bedok to meet vanessa and serene.

vanessa treated us dinner.=)

i always dun get the right directions when i'm at bedok. so called 'lost' there.

then slacked awhile, came home at 11plus.

i watched changeling on mon with myself at home!

136mins long.

angelina jolie!=D she got a semi-naked scene, damn skinny with the rib bones.

haha! quite like the movie, think u'll only like it when u understand everything.

michelle! i'll pass it to u the nex time i see u.=)

it's on and it's off.

hate that kinda feeling. like so shag.

indeed, i'm not in need. well.
i'm using a special way now,

which is call self-forcing.

it tends to be good, tends to be bad.

like how true can everything be?

a minute ago felt like tears gonna come out,

a minute later i tried to get myself into real blank state.

i think, this is the only way.

get on with the solo please.

make the days pass quickly, as soon as possible.
16 more days to the end of 2008.
it has been a hectic year.
will be posting abt this year at the later date.
still wondering wad to sum up 1st.

michelle,
we havent been going for lunch/movie dates for kinda long time!=(
prepare for one after u're back.=)

random stuffs.
mum kept urging me to get back a black hair again.
i dont know why. lol.
catch ppl's attention meh?-.-

it can creep up inside you, and consume you.

i'm staying home tmrw to check out some shows.
hope it doesnt rain on tue during dragonboating.
i got a watch(black LED watch!=D), 2 pairs of everlast shoes, 2 pairs of socks, 2 pieces of oreo cheesecakes and some stuffs which i dont rmb now. LOL!
one is never enough.
true eh? lol.
i got 5 pairs of everlast shoes in my room now!
i dont think it's a lot though my mum said something abt it. haha.
there's many things i dont mind having more now.
hmm, like pillows? MONEY? clothes? shoes? watches? LOL!
jus name it, i'm sure there're many things more.
yeap. i dont mind having an extra heart with many backdoors.
but i mind having extra limbs or some other parts?
cos it'll make me look like a creature or something?! LOL!
some stuffs, the more the better the bigger the better. haha.
i'm yet greedy hor.
alright.
i'm still not able to use the desktop in my room.

it's the official half year.
keep going, keep trying.
dont be bothered by someone having the word easy stick on the whole body.

out with xinyi today.

we roamed around and watched bolt at tm. lol.

after that, went starbucks.

cant believe i could actually dozed off under such ambience there. haha.

sudden fatique? i guess so.

xinyi was writing some stories on the serviette.

since when am i so not used to the cold?

i cant wait for results to be out.

not that i'm really anxious abt my results,

jus that i'm kinda sick of being like this.

i kinda missed school,

in fact, i really missed school quite a lot.

it was way too much better than being like this.

forget abt some memories in sch,

cos i want sch to kill time.

as heard,

results would probably be out during the 2nd week of jan.

hope so?

i have ulcer,

from jesslyn i think?lol.

i reflected so much.

it jus cant be easier on me, can it?

can i have a little change in life, please?

am i getting sick?=/

i cant use the comp in my room,
there's some problems in the damn connection,
so now i'm in the living room.
i'm bored, as usual.
nth much today actually.
i kept the soya milk outside the fridge for 6hrs and it turned bad.
nutrisoy one, the bad one tasted like some weird chemical and not sourish.
had many sub-meals today.
i'm hungry now. lol.
my weight is on the way down.
lesser and lesser.
why?

i know i'm doing it at my best already.
i wanna do it.
i'll make myself believe.
life changes all the time, it always.
it wouldnt always stay long for sure, the same goes to every single one, for all kinda situation,
either good or bad.
there wasnt anyone before you, thus you were the only one who met my subconscious criteria.
you may not be that wonderful though, but yet you fit into it in the past, like how i fit into your subconscious criteria too.
when one changed, like you, everything will change.
i'm not gonna have certain criteria in mind for now,
but i'm not taking you into the picture.
thanks for being a so called passer-by in life.
although life with you gone still upsets me,
but i'm still doing it with myself.
till the day you can really be a friend and we'll see how? or maybe we'll never be?

personal growth,
at state of mind and heart.

i'm very tired.
it's 5plus now,
which means i havent slept for like 31hrs.
from ytdy noon,
went to winnie's hse with cass for lunch- steamboat.
met branson with cass for pool in the evening.
went over to st john peeps' chalet with branson at night, had steamboat over there again. (4th time in the week, exaggerating enough?)
felt as though i had thorough brainwash there, i meant the good way.
then branson left around 11pm.
i was there with peeps till 5plus in the morning,
took cab home.
rested on bed at nearly 6,
left home at 7plus met branson for breakfast,
after which headed to the gym.
2hrs of workout- cardio plus weights training.
lunch-ed.
drank total of 800ml-1L of soymilk.
super full.
branson left to rent disc.
i took 81, then saw jesslyn's msg.
changed to bus 38 at ev bus stop.
she had her lunch while i was kinda in a daze.
went to her hse for awhile, played some games.
took 12 then 358 home.
almost like a living dead walking around now.
it's brief enough.
i shall try to have a nap?

i don't wanna sound that happy when i'm not up to that.
mentally, physically exhausted.

wad's going on around?
i feel like..
being tangled up,
something is pushing me down.
压抑感.
很痛, 很辛苦,
现在却不知痛真正的来源.
空穴, 死穴.

难以言喻.

goodness?
i'm awake.
i think i havent been up this early for weeks/month. lol.
damn pissed.
after talking to joanne,
i was prepared to sleep.
i rmb her last sentence was dun go and think abt blablabla.
and ok,
i closed my eyes and there's something on going in my mind.
'i'm not thinking abt anything, i'm not thinking abt anything~'
damn man.
at 5plus i was still with 'i'm not thinking abt anything' on my mind. -.-
i shall slowly find out abt the art of concentration. lol.
my 14hrs of sleep a day turned out to be 3 today.
having long hrs of sleep=fortunate? LOL!

met petrina and peeps ytdy.
she got herself a dress! LOL! (unwillingly though)
envy of my standing-straight hair. haha!
walked a lot,
chilled a little,
reminisced a little.
lol.

i'm telling myself,
i'm not gonna care.
even if u get raped or something. (nah, not gonna care, eventhough it's a bit too far?lol.)
if u should deserve the best/better,
then both words wouldnt exist already.
sounds cruel?
no, i think ur actions are more than that.
enjoy ur life with the name of heartbreaker after wad i got from u.
and i know how ur cycle will work again. it's typical but true enough.
i think aquarians get along quite well yeah? haha! friends.
taurus meets taurus, will they start a bull fight or something? lol.
not gonna elaborate any further,
it sounds provoking enough.
yeap.

jus got back at 10plus.
went out with younger brothers for hoops.
the last time i played with them was longgggg ago. haha.
one thing i dun like to play with them cos they're both tall?
already 175cm and above. 10cm taller than me-.-
they jumped and reached the hoop easily,
while i can only reach for the board.-.-
anw,
was at the court for a few hours.
initially wanted to go for badminton,
due to the damn wind, zzz,
had to change plan. lol.

had ruffles today! LOL!
it's random.

at noon today,
wanted to head to aunt's hse at hougang since my parents were there.
but when i prepared and left hse,
they told me to meet them at simei. -.-zzz
i was like, why go simei sia.
no choice, cos i already left hse.
i waited for 40mins for them to reach.
i jus sat somewhere and stared into spaces while waiting.
they reached, got my solution, they had their stuffs.
my dad suddenly got the interest to buy simei flat,
went to look around.
i was saying as many cons as possible to burst his bubbles man!!
cant imagine myself staying at simei, lol, not possible.
i now then know only at the age of 30plus then can buy ur own apartment using ur own name.
damn.
i wanna stick my butt to where i'm now.

with a taste of your lips i'm on a ride,
you'r toxic i'm slipping under.
LOL!
ignore this.
jus being random x2.

met suie and michelle today.

it was kinda long since i last had meal/movie with mich. lol.

went to the cathay as usual.

watched four christmases,

the movie was hilarious enough.

after which, went to kino for mag.

spent quite some time there.

mich took a few pics.

all random and candid shots. lol.

enjoy ur trip to japan.=)

suie's very interesting socks with shoes.

trailers=)i didnt spill those sugar. lol.

we were all into things we were doing at that point of time.(mich was enjoying taking shots of her drink. LOL!)

is there anything wrong with my gastric or so?

other than breakfast,

i've been eating quite a lot for these few days.

especially those high in calcium/protein food.

weird thing is my weight doesnt change at all?

nth's on for tmrw.

brenna should be getting the books from me.

so sick and tired of the on-going.
i'm getting on with solo.

mum said,
做人不要太认真.
everything comes and goes,
and what comes around goes around.
what to do?

i cant fit into the society right now.
can i move over to a place which don't have all these kinda ppl?

why is it still being like these?
why does it still feel the same way?
why cant i get rid of everything?
why cant i?
who'll ever know how horrible this is?
there isnt anyone so.

tired.

woke up at 12 plus.
linda called and talked for 2-3hrs.
my bro headed for hoops while i went to the gym at pasir ris east cc.
it has been really long since the last time i went there, in fact should be quite some time after i last went to the gym at tamp.
the equipments are all super new at the cc! LOL!
good thing there's only another person at the gym,
dun have to wait to do weights.
but damn shag,
no barbells there. zzz.
but it was cool enough,
watching the ellen talk show while doing workout.
had dinner,
but i'm still constantly feeling hungry.
filling myself with enough protein!
hate the blisters on my palm,
kept forgetting to get my gloves.

alright.
wonder i should do tmrw?
should i pack my room a little?
fri to jurong east with cass and winnie, after that meet mich!=)
sun to esplanade area with petrina and tun,
wow, the last time we went to chill was like 2 years ago? lol.

>choosing to get out of bed
>choosing to eat breakfast
>choosing to shift attention from negative thoughts to at least neutral ones
>choosing to stop ruminating
>choosing to be with people who make you feel cared for and supported
and i see blood again, wasnt intention.

wonder wad's the average time i wake and go to sleep everyday.
i'll be sleeping like after 3am,
getting out from bed in the noon.
woke up at 1plus in the afternoon eventhough i'm still able to get back to sleep.
breakfast doesnt seem to exist to me? lol.
living on like this ppl pick and say.
was out with cass and winnie.
went to town area.
winnie was shopping crazily,
a pair of legs with 3 pairs of new shoes. lol.
slacked here and there at suntec's gloria jeans.
after which,
went suie's hse with cass.
slacked a little, talked a little there.
caught the last train home.

u arent that busy like how u said?
seemingly being so carefree, a happy social butterfly.
u're born with excuses, arent u?

i can take a few tears now and then and just let them out,
i'm not afraid to cry every once in a while,
even though going on with ya gone still upsets me.
there are days every now and again i pretend i'm ok,
but that's not what gets me.